2008/11/30

Course 11 - 冬陽



漸漸了解為什麼你不和別人深談的原因,



或許是外表太過誘人,所以要找個人並非難事!?



還是說,其實你內在的哲學可以幫你超脫這一切,



在吐納之間,依稀可以看見赤子之心。



繼上一個人之後,又能開始追逐新的影子,



一半的感覺是快樂的,但同時也有笑容後的悲哀。



學習遺忘,試圖改變,不斷成長;



因為遺忘,所以讓時間帶走生命裡的不愉快,



因為改變,所以可以不用承認昨日之非,往前追求今日之是,



因為成長,所以舞台改變了,自然要去接納新的精華丟棄某些陳舊的雜質。



由於每個人都是獨一無二的,所以注定要被別人誤解,或是誤解別人......



冬天的太陽是愉快的味道嗎?



雖然空氣瀰漫著低溫,但高氣壓盤旋的日子,



還是想看見你振翅而飛的美感,



猶如信仰般引領我走向下一站。

2008/11/22

Course 10 - 鉛筆

就是那樣的純粹,總是不經意的從筆袋裡掉出來。



把文字圈繞著,更勝過紅與藍,那些繁華的墨水,



由左至右,由上到下,聆聽著書寫時沙沙走過的筆跡;



重新思考生活的軌跡,



從握著鉛筆、自動筆,到拿著原子筆,



書寫的過程中,犯錯的機會似乎要不斷的減少,



因為生活不再是用橡皮可擦以擦拭去的,



我們都會留下錯誤所遺留的痕跡。



剛削好的鉛筆,帶著一點淡淡的木頭香味,



由銳利的筆尖慢慢磨成粗曠的焦點,



但始終都能在紙上沙沙作響,句讀每個註記的語言和想法;



總是超脫出塑膠殼和鐵製的外皮,



而在紛擾與複雜之間看見樸素的明媚......

2008/11/15

Course 9 - Painful Wishes

首先,謝謝給我"生日快樂"的人,不論你們用甚麼方式傳遞,

Lemon、Anina、玉、Helen、嘉娜學姐、淑茵、Spark、怡君小公主、

津、小艾、貞伃、小毛、葉子、manto、阿信...

只不過,今年的生日並不快樂,

不是祝福不夠,只不過那種很多的空虛;

讓自己的正面力量漸漸被削弱了吧......



11/13,寫"笨狗日記"的笨狗,

是我的大學同學,

也是我大學時同家的夥伴,

只是我們現在沒有這麼熟稔,人都是善變的,

as you know...我也變了,他也變了。



上碩士班後,我跟他沒這麼好了,對於生活的觀點也大相迥異。

今天,他還找了一些同學「硬」是幫我過了生日,

你一定會覺得我要很開心之類的,

但是,我真覺得人多不是重點,我也不喜歡這樣的驚喜;

要不是今天有跟金融所的同學報告要討論,我壓根想放自己一天"生日假"。



上面說「硬」過生日,是因為我不喜歡湊一堆不認識的人,

買個蛋糕,然後大家說生日快樂,看著我要許願;

有人說,我應該要知足的;

只不過,我覺得平日對我好一些、認識我深一點,

會比給我這樣一個驚喜和蛋糕來的更令人值得珍惜。

當眾人圍繞著你,那種強迫許願的其情緒,

如果我嘴裡說出的字語是詛咒而不是祝福,

大家又會作何感想呢?



我可以說:第一個願望是,在場的人通通滾開吧!!

就現況而言......我真的很難給予周遭的同學認同感,

或是表達我自己存在感。感覺好像太悲觀了...

我再次感覺單純的人際關係也那麼不真實。



生日,對我來說,是自省的日子;

雖然,有朋友說,我似乎每天或是每周都再檢討自我,

甚至有朋友幫我借了一本書「不是太堅強」,

我想承認自己的脆弱,但卻不能脆弱......



引用津給我的信:



「 那樣彷彿是用著切開生日快樂的蛋糕刀



滑過濃膩如鮮奶油般的笑靨



勉強的像是極力掩飾早已坍塌的內餡



隔夜酸腐氣息散散漫漫



恨不得立即化身成逐次吹滅的燭光火燄



存在飄邈於眾人鼻息之間 」



祝我自己,每天快樂,

不要只有生日才能快樂......

2008/11/08

Course 8 - 白羽神

After the last time we were in the same group,

I didn't talk to you more than 3 minutes,

neither the intersection of focusing nor going together out of school.

I knew the result that if I didn't speak my mind toward to you,

I would have had a closer relationship with you.

This Tuesday, you said that you were planning to send the application to apply your PhD.

I was impressed with your determination.

You still keep the passion and faith within yourself.



I was surprised when you asked to to have a drink.

Cause I was afraid of taking your words as the kindness toward me.

Everyone tried to be close to you.

That's the truth I saw from the first time I met you.

Though you've been keeping true parts of you inside.



When you check the presentation and reported on stage yesterday,

I found that I still couldn't take my eye off you.

You are so charming to me no matter your surface of nice looking and knowledgeable development.

Even the way you smoke is attracting, I bet.

I don't think I have the chance returning to the time before I spoke my mind,

but I hope we can keep in touch and have a different relationship in the future.



Last but no least, for my personal peeking behavior,

whether you find it or not,

that's the only one luck I can see you among all sights of people.

2008/11/02

Course 7 - 巨人

因為endowment point的不同,



自然在基礎的期待上有些落差,



當你都期望別人如何如何的時候,



又怎麼要求自己來回應對方呢?



甚麼叫踩在巨人的肩膀上?



從句子的主觀結構來看,也許是小人太傲慢了;



如果奢想當那個可以傲慢的傢伙,



這次要踩的怎麼會是肩上呢?



太便宜你了,踩在臉上都不為過......

2008/10/25

Course 6 - Fixing

It’s refreshing for me to have the course of venture capital and entrepreneurship.

Not because the course can enrich my knowledge, the teacher,
林炯垚, tries his best to motivate us to learn English.

As a graduate in Taiwan , we lack of the opportunity to learn English, or immerse ourselves in a full-Eng environment.

So it’s hard to catch up or accumulate our ability to connect to the world of communication in Eng.




Well, I still touch many theses and studies written in Eng. ,

but I don’t think it’s enough for me to catch up with the “international-self.”

In our normal course of routine, we still keep one-way-lecture.

Even the lecturers encouraged us to ask some questions or add more interaction among the course,

no one wanted to answer or give the feedback to each other.

I told the problem before, but I can’t change; and they change me to be indifferent.




However, Mr. Lin gave me the courage and refills the inner power of me.

I admired that his children have the chances (or luck) to enjoy their own life and are stimulated to have independent lifestyle and goal.

But when he gives the course to us every week, I am cured by his benignity and have more courage to go on.




Moreover, Mr. Lin is my instructor’s teacher.

Flank to speak; he is my grand-teacher. Is it a coincidence to me to take his course?!

By the way, I fixed some errands out for the past two weeks.

Though it was nothing to others, it would come back as before to make me feel comfortable.

More important, it seemed that I got something inside me back to go on.



Brief to the point concerning to my thesis, it may be on its way stably. And I wish it could be worked out by Dec.

2008/10/19

Course 5 - 追逐

你的節奏,難得地打亂了我的步調,

左胸口的下方正產生劇烈的疼痛,

說甚麼快樂做自己,

出非你能先礙著對方,那才叫做「做自己」,

不然只能歸類為配合度很好或是照著做。



這場競爭,從一開始,並不是為了分出勝負而跑,

雖然,每個人都那麼重視結果,so do I,

然後在reunion當中挫挫對彼此的銳氣。



被時間追趕的途中,換了幾個我,

嘗試著調整最好的呼吸和步伐,

似乎快到終點前的第三個轉彎,

全身的細胞強烈著對大腦發出"我要氧氣"的訊息。



流動的空氣、反覆的景色與早晚的冷暖,

交錯的步伐、躍進的夢想和不可知的未來,

沒有白羽神的天賦和自在,

沒有里見犬的堅毅與不悔,

沒有須彌子的縝密和細心。



只是現在已經換到備用第三號,

有點超出了預期的汰換......

時間好像到了,脫離