2008/11/30

Course 11 - 冬陽



漸漸了解為什麼你不和別人深談的原因,



或許是外表太過誘人,所以要找個人並非難事!?



還是說,其實你內在的哲學可以幫你超脫這一切,



在吐納之間,依稀可以看見赤子之心。



繼上一個人之後,又能開始追逐新的影子,



一半的感覺是快樂的,但同時也有笑容後的悲哀。



學習遺忘,試圖改變,不斷成長;



因為遺忘,所以讓時間帶走生命裡的不愉快,



因為改變,所以可以不用承認昨日之非,往前追求今日之是,



因為成長,所以舞台改變了,自然要去接納新的精華丟棄某些陳舊的雜質。



由於每個人都是獨一無二的,所以注定要被別人誤解,或是誤解別人......



冬天的太陽是愉快的味道嗎?



雖然空氣瀰漫著低溫,但高氣壓盤旋的日子,



還是想看見你振翅而飛的美感,



猶如信仰般引領我走向下一站。

2008/11/22

Course 10 - 鉛筆

就是那樣的純粹,總是不經意的從筆袋裡掉出來。



把文字圈繞著,更勝過紅與藍,那些繁華的墨水,



由左至右,由上到下,聆聽著書寫時沙沙走過的筆跡;



重新思考生活的軌跡,



從握著鉛筆、自動筆,到拿著原子筆,



書寫的過程中,犯錯的機會似乎要不斷的減少,



因為生活不再是用橡皮可擦以擦拭去的,



我們都會留下錯誤所遺留的痕跡。



剛削好的鉛筆,帶著一點淡淡的木頭香味,



由銳利的筆尖慢慢磨成粗曠的焦點,



但始終都能在紙上沙沙作響,句讀每個註記的語言和想法;



總是超脫出塑膠殼和鐵製的外皮,



而在紛擾與複雜之間看見樸素的明媚......

2008/11/15

Course 9 - Painful Wishes

首先,謝謝給我"生日快樂"的人,不論你們用甚麼方式傳遞,

Lemon、Anina、玉、Helen、嘉娜學姐、淑茵、Spark、怡君小公主、

津、小艾、貞伃、小毛、葉子、manto、阿信...

只不過,今年的生日並不快樂,

不是祝福不夠,只不過那種很多的空虛;

讓自己的正面力量漸漸被削弱了吧......



11/13,寫"笨狗日記"的笨狗,

是我的大學同學,

也是我大學時同家的夥伴,

只是我們現在沒有這麼熟稔,人都是善變的,

as you know...我也變了,他也變了。



上碩士班後,我跟他沒這麼好了,對於生活的觀點也大相迥異。

今天,他還找了一些同學「硬」是幫我過了生日,

你一定會覺得我要很開心之類的,

但是,我真覺得人多不是重點,我也不喜歡這樣的驚喜;

要不是今天有跟金融所的同學報告要討論,我壓根想放自己一天"生日假"。



上面說「硬」過生日,是因為我不喜歡湊一堆不認識的人,

買個蛋糕,然後大家說生日快樂,看著我要許願;

有人說,我應該要知足的;

只不過,我覺得平日對我好一些、認識我深一點,

會比給我這樣一個驚喜和蛋糕來的更令人值得珍惜。

當眾人圍繞著你,那種強迫許願的其情緒,

如果我嘴裡說出的字語是詛咒而不是祝福,

大家又會作何感想呢?



我可以說:第一個願望是,在場的人通通滾開吧!!

就現況而言......我真的很難給予周遭的同學認同感,

或是表達我自己存在感。感覺好像太悲觀了...

我再次感覺單純的人際關係也那麼不真實。



生日,對我來說,是自省的日子;

雖然,有朋友說,我似乎每天或是每周都再檢討自我,

甚至有朋友幫我借了一本書「不是太堅強」,

我想承認自己的脆弱,但卻不能脆弱......



引用津給我的信:



「 那樣彷彿是用著切開生日快樂的蛋糕刀



滑過濃膩如鮮奶油般的笑靨



勉強的像是極力掩飾早已坍塌的內餡



隔夜酸腐氣息散散漫漫



恨不得立即化身成逐次吹滅的燭光火燄



存在飄邈於眾人鼻息之間 」



祝我自己,每天快樂,

不要只有生日才能快樂......

2008/11/08

Course 8 - 白羽神

After the last time we were in the same group,

I didn't talk to you more than 3 minutes,

neither the intersection of focusing nor going together out of school.

I knew the result that if I didn't speak my mind toward to you,

I would have had a closer relationship with you.

This Tuesday, you said that you were planning to send the application to apply your PhD.

I was impressed with your determination.

You still keep the passion and faith within yourself.



I was surprised when you asked to to have a drink.

Cause I was afraid of taking your words as the kindness toward me.

Everyone tried to be close to you.

That's the truth I saw from the first time I met you.

Though you've been keeping true parts of you inside.



When you check the presentation and reported on stage yesterday,

I found that I still couldn't take my eye off you.

You are so charming to me no matter your surface of nice looking and knowledgeable development.

Even the way you smoke is attracting, I bet.

I don't think I have the chance returning to the time before I spoke my mind,

but I hope we can keep in touch and have a different relationship in the future.



Last but no least, for my personal peeking behavior,

whether you find it or not,

that's the only one luck I can see you among all sights of people.

2008/11/02

Course 7 - 巨人

因為endowment point的不同,



自然在基礎的期待上有些落差,



當你都期望別人如何如何的時候,



又怎麼要求自己來回應對方呢?



甚麼叫踩在巨人的肩膀上?



從句子的主觀結構來看,也許是小人太傲慢了;



如果奢想當那個可以傲慢的傢伙,



這次要踩的怎麼會是肩上呢?



太便宜你了,踩在臉上都不為過......